Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff

Or

Why Christmas Takes 10 Years to Arrive for a Five Year Old.

The Ouroborus, a sometimes symbol of cyclical time

by Theodoros Pelecanos in 1478

I have this theory about time and aging. It goes like this… time goes by faster when you are older because its speed is perceived in proportion to the number of years you’ve lived. It’s a relativity thing.

So, when you’re a kid about age five, a year is one fifth of your life, but when you’re 50 it’s just, well, 1/50^th and hence shorter in relation to how old you are. So it goes by much faster at 50 (much, much faster, take my word for it).

I postulate that this is the reason Christmas, or a birthday, or summer vacation takes so long to come around each year for that five year old. Think about it. That’s one friggin’ fifth of the kid’s life. Christmas would have to roll around every ten years or so to feel the same at the age of fifty. 

Ten years.

Now, think about having to wait a half of a decade after that for summer vacation*. 

No wonder children constantly ask “are we there yet?”

Me? Oh yeah, I’m already there. Merry Christmas Y'all!

40 years in a Flash. 

The Artist, Summertime in New Mexico at 17

The Artist, Summertime in New Mexico at 57

 

*I also figured out that for summers to last as long as when I was, say, 12 they’d now have to be about 15 months long.  Imagine a 15-month long summer. Wouldn’t that be something? It would seem to stretch out in front of you forever, right? Just like they did at 12 years old. I’m working on that.

P.S. If your going to suggest that I’ve got too much time on my hands since I’m hanging around figuring this stuff out ~ it didn’t take too long. Like I said, time goes much faster in your 50s.